Trapt in a hell that should be home

I get the feeling that I hate where I live. People I don't know coming in on my space. I cant leave, I have no where to go, I don't want to stay, but I have no choice. There is nothing I can do cause I live with the magnet that attracts the problem. People who can't think straight because they can't control their vices, who have clouded their already primal brains, barge in without warning. They loose control over everything, even basic motor skills. I can't get out. They all continuously come and go breaking my silence, breaking my peace. They treat me like I'm the outsider when they are in my home eating and drinking my things without asking or hesitation because of the chameleon that changes it skin continuously to fit in. Taking my side and locking the door when they leave but only to unlock it and be one of them when they return. Always quick to please them holding itself under there finger. My heroes who usually save me are tied up in other matters. I am force to isolate myself for the sake of my rising temper. The magnet leaves but the others do not follow instead they feel the need to linger and spread disease throughout my space. I bring the magnet back and make it remove all that doesn't belong. Now I have restored my peace, my silence but it has left scars in my space.

This is for SMO and wishuponaguitar and who ever else might feel stuck

Float on by Modest Mouse

Stuck

I feel stuck. I feel like life could be passing me by, sorta like the words that float through my head, but they can't get out because my throat, like my life, is stuck. Luckily, one of those stuck things will go away reasonably soon. Being sick doesn't last forever, but sometimes life stays stuck. I've seen it. We all have. Those big shot business guys, with nothing to look forward to but the next deal, so they can buy the next thing. Honestly, being stuck in someone else's life...someone else's idea of what life should be...scares me more than anything else. But the question then becomes, 'what do I want?' And my answer is 'I don't know.' Which leaves me, again, stuck.

Did You Know (Feb 25)

Did you know that the voice of Edna in The Incredibles was done by a man? His name is Brad Bird, and he actually directed the movie as well.

I hate how my emotions run me. I'm so sensitive and I hate it.

one more thought

I can't stand when people talk in riddles. I almost can't handle it. It's why my favorite people to be around are kids because they tell it like it is. I never second guess if they're secretly thinking something else. Come on people. Straighten out or get the fuck out. Just tell it like it is or leave me alone. I just can't handle it anymore. I'm so fucking tired of guessing. 


Quit pretending to be artistic when you're not.
Quit being cool when no one cares.
Take off your ugly shoes because they aren't making a statement.
Take that stupid cigarette out of your mouth because you don't look cool.
Leave your ego on your dresser because there's more to life than how big it can get.
Keep your judgements out of my face. I don't care. 

Me

I'm so fragile. Instead of thinking of all the things that are wrong with me I think I need to shut up and accept it. How many times have I thought to myself, "I can't handle this." What is my limit. When do I reach the point where I can't turn back. How can I put my emotions on a limb, so far away from me,  susceptible to a pain I never want to feel. How do we go about this life without hurt. Maybe the point is we don't. 

Did You Know (Feb 13)

Did you know that eating a banana can help you do better on tests? They help you stay more alert. Bananas are actually good for you in a ton of ways. Someone on Yahoo is very familiar with their benefits, here is what they said:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061109062934AA9tBiY

did You Know Roman Edition II (Feb 12)

Did you know that Tiberius was the emperor after Augustus? He was not the first choice either, but Augustus' two sons died before he did. Tiberius didn't seem to want to rule either; he spent most of his time outside of Rome. he had a resort at Sperlonga, which had a cave grotto. In the grotto were tons of statues, set up to be admired in the dining room of the cave.

Can she make up her mind?
She's indecisive in a world with the rings a dings
and the blinding light of her LED screen.
That phone attached to her hip
is also attached to her sticky fingers
which type informal English

It's so easy to not know what to say
And it's so hard to be politically correct nowadays.
She sits with her T9 at the ready,
Hoping that her phone will spell out something meaningful.
For her, she's figuring out the world that's literally in the palm of her hand,
But to him it's just a message he'll probably never reply to.

She waits for what seems like generations,
but won't text back for fear of being too needy
like the phones stuffed in the back pocket of every blue jeans dream.
If we live in such a high speed rapid motorola highway,
then why is it so difficult for her to just dial his number?

Because she's afraid of awkward hello's
that slur out of mouths slowly.
As if calling a person is forbidden
and spilling your feelings through speech is unnatural.
And finally after minutes of waiting, a new text message pops up on the screen
only to find out his one worded reply is simply 'hey'.

Just hey.

Just listen please

If there is anyone who inspires me for my poetry and my philosophical thoughts, it is Lauryn Hill. I really wish she'd just come back and DIY her music. Music is getting ridiculous. We need her back.

My pockets are filled with loose nickels and dimes
But I am still scrounging around for change.
It's never enough, I never have enough though my purse is filled with bus transfers
And a pen that wants to write down everything I am thinking but am too afraid to say.
See, I wish that you could see me
In my most desperate moment.
This is the part where I know where I'm going,
But I still feel lost.

I have decided to walk
Because I am poor, but also because I'd like to clear my mind.
I just want you to know that I am taking a step off the curb
And into the street where their eyes are watching me impatiently as I cross.
I have only 10 seconds left, I feel so rushed!
If only time slowed down
And flowed with the music I am listening to that is helping me with my anxiety.

And music is such a beautiful person.
I want to heal the world the way she has for me.
And I think I want to be a singer
Because I can kinda sing,
But with enough practice, I can become great!
And with enough confidence, I can sing better than Beyonce!

All I need is confidence.
To be a singer,
To cross the street,
And to utter these words I've been meaning to tell you for awhile...


I love you.

Did You Know Roman Edition I (Feb 8)

Did you know that Augustus, who ruled Rome after Julius Caesar, wasn't emperor at first? He started out as a military leader. Through some excellent battles, he became Rome's most powerful general. Then he was elected by the Senate as a Tribune, which meant he could convene Senate meetings, veto legislation, and was basically the highest level of the judicial system. Then he was given the honor of Pontifex Maximus, which was the highest level of the priesthood.

So basically, Augustus was given all of his power legally, and he was in charge of the military, the judicial system, and the church. All at one time. This had never happened in Rome before, and, as many of Augustus' successors will prove, it may not have been a great idea.

Still, Augustus did a lot of super cool things for Rome, not the least of which was ending civil war and finishing unfinished projects that Caesar began.

Just sayin...

Lady Gaga deserved to win album of the year.

Grammy's, you fail.