It's so strange how friends come into your life. You have no clue how the relationship will turn out and your impressions of them will change drastically in a matter of seconds. I can say that as I begin my third year of college (it still freaks me out), that I have met some amazing people that I can say will be lifelong friends.

Before I moved, I was slowly getting used to not seeing some of my high school best friends everyday. We were all beginning our life elsewhere and that is a hard thing to transition to enough let alone not seeing your best friend everyday for 6 hours; telling them the latest drama in your life or your newest crush. No, you leave that all behind and though your relationship is still strong with your high school friends, you itch to find something new; someone who you can fall back on when the COLLEGE DRAMA occurs. You usually tell your high school friends about it on the phone later that night, but they're not there to get the full effect, they don't truly understand it, because whether we like it or not, we change in this chapter of our life and it isn't the same as before. It doesn't have the same effect it once had on you.

Anyway, I'm typing this because I just wanted to have some sort of closure in this part of my life. I am sad. Really sad. One of my best friends has just left for Spain and I won't be seeing her for 10 months. I met her in college. It was like yesterday, I remember meeting this beautiful, tall girl with these big blue eyes. I remember thinking, "Why is she talking to me? She is too beautiful to be talking to me?" Then she spoke and I found out she was a major book nerd who had dreams of exploring the city and expanding the depths of her mind in an unknown land just like me. She was loud, hilarious, sarcastic, and poetic. I ended up loving her by the time school started and I knew she was gonna be my best friend. She was there for all the craziness and all the mishaps of my life at SF State. She was there to listen to all my issues and she gave some of the best advice and kindest words that made me get through it all.

My emotions hadn't caught up with the idea that she would be gone until I talked to her last night. After I got off the phone, my heart felt heavy, but in a good way. Don't get me wrong, I was extremely sad but I have faith that we will stay in contact as much as possible. Though I won't be able to live those defining moments with her, I will be there to listen like I high school friend does when we enter college. It won't be the same, but it doesn't matter. When you're close enough as friends, then you'll always feel close to the raw emotions they will share with you; the life changing moments as long as they are willing to explain it to you as if you were sitting on their bed with their pillow close to your chest.

Laura, your purple pillows are close to my chest and I hope to be there listening every part of the way.

As she departs from LA and arrives to Spain, I feel like this will be the best years of our lives. I'm sad. I'm thrilled. I'm happy. I'm proud. I'm glad her dreams are coming true.

Laura Rose Fennell, I love you.

Looking Back at Last Year

It's funny to think back on my Sophomore year. I was an excited newbie in the RA world with goals of helping freshman adjust to life at school just as Asmeret had done for me. She was a role model in my life and I hoped to be that to others.

Long story short, being an RA was the path I was to take and instead, I lived a year's worth of stress, depression, and unhappiness. Never in my life had I felt so disappointed in myself and the way I treated others. Never in my life had I felt so unsatisfied with my life. For days, I would stay secluded in my room and ignore every problem that was thrust into my life. As if school and work weren't enough, the relationships I had with my closest friends were barely hanging on a string. It was too much. I worried myself sick about things that did not matter. My priorities were not in order.

At the end of the year, I was not only relieved but thankful that I was done with everything I tried so hard to maintain. And now, as I look back outside of the glass, I realize that the job was not cut for me. My heart wasn't in it and I wasn't serious about it. Though some people are, it just wasn't me. I am in a happier place now, in a home far enough away from campus where I can relax and take time off to think. Though many of my friends are still RAs, hearing them complain about how they didn't go to bed til 6am makes me absolutely thrilled that I don't have to deal with it anymore.

I told myself this year that I would work hard and assist people in my own way. I have many things in store that I am extremely excited about and I hope that I can share them with everyone. I am much more stable mentally and I feel that this is going to be an amazing year for me.

Many things have changed and my closest friends are gone exploring new places in the world. I know that it is best for us. I have faith that each and everyone one of us will learn just as much as we did last year with many trials and errors (which Alysha and I have already made lol). I just can't wait to hear the stories.

- Bree

PS- I am soooooooo tired. I just really want to sleep.

Elton!

Hey guys,

I know that no one comes on this anymore, but I wanted to write down the events of this evening and I don't know where on earth my journal has gotten to. Tonight Cathy's family invited me to see Elton John in concert! It was soo oooo oooo cool! We went to Cricket amphitheater and we were very very early. We met up with some of their friends and ate some snacks. Then we filed into the amphitheater (which took a while, as it was very disorganized) and took our seats. Elton came on right on time, wearing this really cool black and blue suit, with a sparkly picture of a man (probably him) hanging out of a crocodile's mouth! It sounds weird, and it was, but it was definitely a crocodile and I liked it haha. He was so good in concert! He has been playing for almost 40 years now, and his voice has not gone all Bob Dylan-y. Some of the songs he played were Levon, Daniel, Tiny Dancer, Grey Seal, Rocketman, Someone Saved My Life Tonight, Saturday Nights Alright, Philadelphia Freedom, Candle in the Wind, Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me, Goodbye Yellowbrick Road, Bennie and the Jets, The Bitch is Back, Your Song, and Circle of Life! He also played a new song entitled Never Too Old To Hold Somebody, which was so cute. I recorded Tiny Dancer on my camera, and it sounds so good! I am so happy with it, especially since at the concert it sounded awful when I tried to replay what I had recorded. But after bringing it home I have realized that digital cameras that friends buy you for your birthday are way better at recording than cellular telephonos. He also just improvised for quite a while, probably 5-10 minutes at least of just him playing piano. Poor Elton though, he was sick while performing! After playing Tiny Dancer, he apologetically excused himself, saying that he has a stomach virus. He went backstage for a few minutes and returned, informing us that he had just thrown up and was ready to continue. He then played for two straight hours! As Russell said, "Elton John's a monster." During The Bitch is Back, this woman jumped up onstage and started dancing around! She was onstage for maybe 20 seconds total; these big dudes in white came right on over and escorted her off. It was really funny though. Elton John is a great performer. I didn't expect watching a guy play piano for three hours to be fun, but he made great facial expressions, and the songs were so fun that time flew.

I am going to get flowers for the Weirs tomorrow or Monday to make sure they know that I appreciate the invitation to join them tonight. I told them, but I'd like to do something extra as well. I got some awesome pictures of him too; my camera has an awesome zoom on it!

It's bedtime now, I just wanted to write this down somewhere, while it's still fresh in my brain.

this is what happens when I have homework...

Dear Magical Genie Whom I Hope to Find Someday,

Please hurry up. I have papers to write, and I was hoping you could eradicate them forever for me. Thanks. While you're at it, can you please give me awesome knowledge absorbing powers, so that, like a sponge absorbing a spill in the kitchen, I can absorb any number of facts and theories, and be able to constructively use them in my daily life. Now that I have knowledge absorbency powers, I can easily become wealthy or famous or whatever, not that I would ever want to, but just in case. Unfortunately, I doubt that these powers will give me significant knowledge about the general direction of my life. So, if you could provide some key choices, sorta like in Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, that would be truly delightful. This way, I may still make bad decision, but the chances are much slimmer. Glad we settled this. Thanks Magical Future Genie.

Did You Know (March 25)

Did you know that you can maintain the color of your jeans, and prevent them from shrinking, by washing them in cold water every few weeks (or less), and hanging them up to dry instead of using a dryer?

I am.

I write another stanza of this poem every other week. I have a love/hate relationship with this poem and I fear that it will never be complete.

I am a struggle underneath a cup of tea.
I am in a fight with a coaster
and a battle to dirty the glass coffee table.
Let me be your annoyance,
let me be your desire to wipe me clean of my sins.

I am listening to the friction of a bed with loose railings.
Bumping against the wall,
closing the gap as her squeaky clean appearance falls underneath the bed.
Let me be your annoyance,
let me be the one who keeps you up at night.

I am a copy machine imitating art on pastel xerox paper.
Creating duplicates of the original.
Clones with wasted ink that will be seen and stuffed away in backpacks and desks.
Let me be your annoyance,
let me quietly make copies of a message that will be ignored and thrown away.

I am the constant ebb and flow of an ocean's tide
Highs and lows, I have some things to hide.
As the full moon mysteriously sets forth these waves,
I'll crash beneath the rocks and pave another way.
Let me be your annoyance,
let me soothe you with the harsh sounds of the sea.

This is the song to my life right about now.

Born Ruffians. They make my heart tingle. Lately, I've been thinking too much and this song sums about 2 years of my life in about 2 minutes.

BTDubs- Singer Luke Lalonde is so amazing, he did this song in one take and almost passed out due to shortness of breath. You go boy.

This Sentence will Save/Ruin Your Life



I need to know who I am
and what I'm going to do while I'm on earth
I need to understand
everything and everybody's lives

I need to get up tomorrow
I have to mail that letter and pay that bill
deadlines, deadlines, deadlines
write that essay, and pray on the windowsill

lines, lines jump from line to line
just one, do one at a time
this one's all about mine mine mine
solve one try then keep on trying
i'm sculpting my philosophy
in patterns going 1,2,3
I'm trying your monogamy
in increments of 1 through 3

I need to eat I'm hungry
I'll grab a bite of a BLT
That's all I want right now...
With some juice, no... coffee.

I need a girlfriend, I'm lonely
Someone to love me and fuck me
I need to get laid immediately
But also someone to fulfill my needs

I need success to be wealthy
I'm hanging on to my simplicity
I need a nice car and nice clothes
Fatter lips and a smaller nose
I need to learn I need to grow
I want to know. No no no no no no no no
I need nice hair... no women
Nice hair, then women. Until then...

lines, lines jump from line to line
just one, do one at a time
this one's all about mine mine mine
solve one try then keep on trying
I'm sculpting my philosophy
in patterns going 1,2,3
I'm trying post modernity
in increments of 1 through 3

Tall Enough

Tall Enough from Strike Anywhere on Vimeo.

Tall Enough is short film by director, Barry Jenkins. It tells the story of an interracial couple living together as photographers in New York City.

I stumbled upon this gem when I was looking for another movie directed by Barry Jenkins called Medicine for Melancholy that I saw last year. Hoping to find it on DVD, I just so happened to click the right link from google at the right time and...viola! I found yet another reason to support Jenkins and his amazing work as a new director.

I just love the way Jenkins takes a taboo in African American society and exposes it into a beautiful masterpiece. His message is concise with little controversy (unlike some other Black directors *cough* Spike Lee *cough*), which is why I hope to see more of him in the future!

The Greates Bed

Lately I’ve been thinking about my old room. Not my first college dorm full of awkward and uncomfortable moments, only to be tossed aside 6 months later. Nor have I been thinking of the familiar room that I’ve lived in since the third grade until my first semester of college. No, the room I’m thinking of is my old bed that sat in the hallway tucked against the closet. This is with out a doubt my favorite room. The hotels in foreign countries could not match the exotic flavor of my old desk/bunkbed. From what I remember of hotels the wonders and excitement they held stretched as far as I could see out the window. But the bed, the bed would become a ship cast away by the waves and at the mercy of the winds it would arrive in the most wonderful and amazing lands that the imagination could hold. My room itself was whatever connected to the feet of my bed. Kitchen, living room, and dining room were my room connected to the hall way connected to the bed. The outside with were my room connected to the porch, to the door, to the hall way, to the bed. Every tree was a castle waiting to be conquered, and over every hill and around every corner was a new land wanting to be discovered. At night when I was tired and it was time for bed, instead of using the ladder, I would climb around the back shelves that were used for storage space, and I felt the same way the climbers of Everest felt. The exhilarating rush of reaching the top and stretching out your fingers to touch the ceiling of the world, yes that was indeed the best bed/desk/room/world and I wouldn’t trade the experience for the most lavish bedroom in the world.

Pretty & Nice- Tora Tora Tora

I like a band. They're from Boston. They're pretty AND nice. I didn't know people could exist with both of those qualities, but now I do and my mind has indeed been blown. I've learned a lot from them and you should too.

This song is very catchy and kind of spastic. It's called Tora Tora Tora. Don't ask me what it's about because I have no clue. Something about the japanese and the atomic bomb. They also discuss seaweed.

Have fun with this.

Thoughts

I haven't written much in a while. I guess it's because I've been thinking too much about writing something worthwhile but instead I've ended up with witty comebacks in my head that make sense to no one but me. I try so hard to be clever, but I am realizing more and more each day that I am not. I suck at metaphors, they just don't come to me, as much as I love them, I am more cliche than the next person. Also, my mind changes constantly so what I like one day, I end up hating the next.

I fear that my desire for originality makes me unoriginal. In this generation, we all have this aim to be different; to stand out from what is normal. In each aching belly of the youth, there is the need to put on some skinny jeans and rebel against the status quo. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that our desire to rebel and be different IS the status quo.

I don't want to be a Youtube celebrity or have over a million followers on twitter, all I want to do is help get kids off the streets and into arts while exploring the world outside of their ghetto bubble. I'd like to write a book of poetry and read it to my kids one day. I want to wear an elegant dress every once in awhile and I want to make my mommy proud. If I can accomplish these simple, unoriginal goals, then I have lived my life happily.

I had a lot of other goals, but I have crossed them off of my list. Many of them being have happened out of sheer luck and amazing friendships. Others due to optimism and just not worrying over the things that hinder me from loving life.

Trapt in a hell that should be home

I get the feeling that I hate where I live. People I don't know coming in on my space. I cant leave, I have no where to go, I don't want to stay, but I have no choice. There is nothing I can do cause I live with the magnet that attracts the problem. People who can't think straight because they can't control their vices, who have clouded their already primal brains, barge in without warning. They loose control over everything, even basic motor skills. I can't get out. They all continuously come and go breaking my silence, breaking my peace. They treat me like I'm the outsider when they are in my home eating and drinking my things without asking or hesitation because of the chameleon that changes it skin continuously to fit in. Taking my side and locking the door when they leave but only to unlock it and be one of them when they return. Always quick to please them holding itself under there finger. My heroes who usually save me are tied up in other matters. I am force to isolate myself for the sake of my rising temper. The magnet leaves but the others do not follow instead they feel the need to linger and spread disease throughout my space. I bring the magnet back and make it remove all that doesn't belong. Now I have restored my peace, my silence but it has left scars in my space.

This is for SMO and wishuponaguitar and who ever else might feel stuck

Float on by Modest Mouse

Stuck

I feel stuck. I feel like life could be passing me by, sorta like the words that float through my head, but they can't get out because my throat, like my life, is stuck. Luckily, one of those stuck things will go away reasonably soon. Being sick doesn't last forever, but sometimes life stays stuck. I've seen it. We all have. Those big shot business guys, with nothing to look forward to but the next deal, so they can buy the next thing. Honestly, being stuck in someone else's life...someone else's idea of what life should be...scares me more than anything else. But the question then becomes, 'what do I want?' And my answer is 'I don't know.' Which leaves me, again, stuck.

Did You Know (Feb 25)

Did you know that the voice of Edna in The Incredibles was done by a man? His name is Brad Bird, and he actually directed the movie as well.

I hate how my emotions run me. I'm so sensitive and I hate it.

one more thought

I can't stand when people talk in riddles. I almost can't handle it. It's why my favorite people to be around are kids because they tell it like it is. I never second guess if they're secretly thinking something else. Come on people. Straighten out or get the fuck out. Just tell it like it is or leave me alone. I just can't handle it anymore. I'm so fucking tired of guessing. 


Quit pretending to be artistic when you're not.
Quit being cool when no one cares.
Take off your ugly shoes because they aren't making a statement.
Take that stupid cigarette out of your mouth because you don't look cool.
Leave your ego on your dresser because there's more to life than how big it can get.
Keep your judgements out of my face. I don't care. 

Me

I'm so fragile. Instead of thinking of all the things that are wrong with me I think I need to shut up and accept it. How many times have I thought to myself, "I can't handle this." What is my limit. When do I reach the point where I can't turn back. How can I put my emotions on a limb, so far away from me,  susceptible to a pain I never want to feel. How do we go about this life without hurt. Maybe the point is we don't. 

Did You Know (Feb 13)

Did you know that eating a banana can help you do better on tests? They help you stay more alert. Bananas are actually good for you in a ton of ways. Someone on Yahoo is very familiar with their benefits, here is what they said:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061109062934AA9tBiY

did You Know Roman Edition II (Feb 12)

Did you know that Tiberius was the emperor after Augustus? He was not the first choice either, but Augustus' two sons died before he did. Tiberius didn't seem to want to rule either; he spent most of his time outside of Rome. he had a resort at Sperlonga, which had a cave grotto. In the grotto were tons of statues, set up to be admired in the dining room of the cave.