I wish I felt differently. I know that I should.

Ha. You must think I am an idiot. You fall asleep, don't call for a month and yet, you sing to my voicemail when you know I'm back in town. I will not be a filler for you. You aren't even clean anymore! You make me so angry. So angry. And yet I want to speak to you. I just don't want you to say anything back. Let me tell you how I feel, and understand that I don't care what you have to say. I don't need your excuses. I don't want them. You messed up again, and I really wish I could think of a time when you did something right. That sounds mean, and I guess it is; it's not that I think you are a bad person though. I think that when people (and when I say 'people' I mean 'everyone I have spoken to minus one person') say that I 'deserve better' they are saying that you aren't good for me. They don't have the right to judge you as a person, but they seem to know me better than I know myself. Still, I keep looking for you. I keep waiting. Waiting for my phone to ring, even though I don't expect it to. Wishing that you really were the person that I think you could be.