3rd Person Perspective

I'm not sure if I believe in God.
Not because I haven't seen Him,
But because I'm not certain if I am worthy just yet.
Who knows when it will happen,
Who knows when I will prove myself?
The hands that have created this world is what I have yet to understand.

They say to feel love, you must first feel pain.
But to what degree?
When will I feel that unsettling feeling that will leave me in constant tears?
And how will I escape from it?
I have been hurt before,
But I don't think it is enough.
I have felt more pleasure than agony,
So much that I have lost count of my blessings.

And I never wonder if this is God communicating with me,
Telling me that what I am doing are good deeds,
Because I am not the only one in this world who suffers from happiness.
Instead I question His motives,
I question His character,
But most of all, I question His choices,
Wondering if all the lucky coins in my jar on the shelf were meant for me.